Let’s Go Ahead and be Vulnerable
I love the “I never thought I could say this on my blog” challenge by Running for Dummies! So here goes nothing:
I try to make it sound like I have it all together on my blog. I think all of us bloggers do that on some level. It’s easy to do when you can edit out the details of stories or make things sound more wonderful than they really are. In all honesty, my best friend has commented numerous times on how I don’t sound like myself on my blog. Truth be told, I don’t. I don’t rant about how my recipe turned out terribly the first 5 times or talk about how I didn’t go to the gym, again! I don’t talk about my binge eating issues. Maybe I should, maybe I should start putting it all out there. It sure as heck would be relieving to me.
I sometimes make things sound more fluffy than they really are because I don’t like to be put in a vulnerable position. When I first started this blog it seriously was just a way for me to put my recipes and pictures of food out there and keep them off my personal Facebook page, you’re welcome friends. I never thought that I would have hundreds of people visiting my site on a daily basis or that I would become so passionate about writing. I’ve never considered myself a writer and I still don’t think I write particularly well but I enjoy it more than I could have ever imagined. It makes me feel connected in a way that I can’t feel connected to most of the people I interact with in my day-to-day life. I am a vegan, a fitness junkie (well was), and a crazy busy mama. There are just not a ton of super relatable people in my life. I have found a completely awesome source of support from so many bloggers I have gotten to know through their writing and experience. I want to be one of those people for others as well. So I guess what I am saying is, sh!t is going to start getting real ;)
One of the biggest things I regret sharing on my blog (I really needed some support here) is this:
I went through a period of time where I was going to the gym very regularly. I loved how my body was changing and how I felt all around. People started commenting on how I looked in negative ways. It really got to me. Like really made me upset. So instead of letting out my frustrations here or with people who understand me I just stopped. I kind of wrote a post about it HERE but didn’t go into as much emotional detail as I should have (it’s all about the vulnerability thing). Towards November I stopped working out all together for almost a whole month. I didn’t work out ONCE in that period of time. Since then I have had so much trouble getting back to the gym and getting into a routine. I have been binge eating more than I have in a very long time. I am still eating vegan but way more of the snacks and carbs than I should. I know how I am eating is wrong. I know I need to go to the gym but I have lost the drive. I desperately want it back. The emotion of the situation is not nearly as raw as it was a few months back becasue I have had time to fall into and get comfortable in the rut I am currently in. But truth be told… I need help getting my butt out of it!
So I am going to use this challenge as an ongoing thing – I am going to be more open and let myself be vulnerable … so be kind friends! PLEASE :)